A few weeks ago, I was browsing through my friend's blog and came across one lady's comment. Intrigued, I decided to check out her blog and one article in particular stood out to me. After reading, I concluded that Emma's article resonated so well with this brand's emphasis on self development. Her approach to writing on insecurity wasn't the usual. She placed emphasis on simple lifestyle choices we can make that will alleviate any feelings of insecurity lurking within.
It was this simplicity and practicality that made me to reach out to her for a feature on Memkoh. I hope you enjoy this article as much as I did.
P.s. I slightly modified the title to fit. Original title is below.
Eight Seemingly Harmless Activities To Consider Giving Up When Insecure
(This article centers on our favourite activities that need to be laid aside during those trying moments of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem for whatsoever reason. However, even when you do not fall into this category, as many of these you can do away with — do away with. I urge you. I’d give you a reason to)
Everybody would tell you Insecurities are made up in that head of yours (which of course, is super true) and that you only need to change the way you look at yourself.
Well, yes and no.
You definitely need to start giving your awesome self more credit for all that you are, no doubt, but lately, I found out something.
It’s more than that. It’s more than viewing yourself in a better light.
You've also got some filtering to do. You've got some trash to take out, and I’m here to help you carry those overflowing bags out already.
What do I mean?
To get rid of those feelings of insecurity, some things have to give way. So today I’m sharing a couple of them - so common we almost never see anything harmful - that’ll do you plenty of good if dumped, or at least things you should consider putting aside for a while, if you find yourself struggling with insecurities you’re not even sure of the sources.
1. In Your Bed, All The Time
Once, I was super guilty of this by the way.
And so, I won’t ask that you take out and burn this furniture.
But your bed is one of your friendliest enemies at this time for you.
The last thing you need, is isolation.
Insecurities thrive in them.
They freely crawl all around your head and sprinkle plenty of harm all over.
You get to play around with them all day in a very comfortable position.
Try being as insecure as you let yourself be under those duvets in a public place like school or at the office or even a park — somewhere populated.
You have to pull yourself together to an extent.
Maybe because you won’t know how to explain yourself to others. Or want to.
Bottom line; everything negative thrives in darkness and desertion.
Stepping out into the sunny sunlight alone has a way of lightening you up instantly.
So get around some company (not necessarily get some company — I hope you see the difference), for a start.
Social media sucks. To me.
All of them.
If I didn’t own a Blog and have to depend on traffic from a number of social medias, I can confidently tell you I won’t be on any. Not one. And everyday I pray for a day I can close down all. But I’d show you why I’m talking Instagram here.
It’s so fake, that has become attractive.
And I see how almost everyone is sucked into it. I bet you do too.
Like a tweet from an account on Twitter I follow said: Instagram is all about “See how perfect my life looks!” (I liked that he used “looks” and not “is”),and too many of us believe that!
Less than a year ago, a 19 year old model with millions of followers from over five years finally opened up, and you can read the full story of how tired of all the fakeness she was, at a point talking about how messed up it was that she was paid attention to because she looked pretty, and how absorbed in vanity society is.
And this is just one of the plenty plenty obsessive talks.
The full story, if you have the time, is here
Darling, it’s just an Instagram account. It’s not real life. It’s 2D.
3. Filters (No, I’m not Talking Snapchat)
We intensely feel the need to hide the blemishes in our lives, when we become overwhelmed with it badly.
To cover it. Kick it under the bed. Try to make it not look so bad.
Cover those spots with concealers.
Go out and forget all the aches and appear happy for some hours through any means.
Attempt at all cost to live a life we know isn’t real when our reality becomes far from what we fantasized.
We don’t see one thing though.
Those moments are the exact times to embrace all of those.
Embrace your imperfections. Come to peace with your loss. Face your deepest fears. Stare hard at the scary ugliness. Look at it!
Hiding away these things like they aren’t there doesn’t make them disappear.
In the eyes of others, maybe, but in our heads, it never goes away.
4. Instant Messaging
I’m learning to text less. And I have never been more happy.
This was a major step for me,and sometimes I have no choice because of my busy schedule, but texting should always be the last resort.
Go out. Grab lunch. Touch hands. Whisper your heartaches. Sit and communicate with your lips, not your thumbs.
Because “e-talking”, ruins relationships more than we see at first.
An article I read says:
“…because text messaging cannot accurately convey tone, emotion, facial expressions, gestures, body language, eye contact, oral speech, or face-to-face conversation, it is likely messages will be misinterpreted or misunderstood. The real meaning of your message gets lost through the medium”
You need real conversations. And yes, there is a massive difference.
5. Over-indulging in Romantic and #SquadGoals Shenanigans
Yes. I call it Shenanigans.
Here, meaning silly and sincerely, overly hyped today.
We all love to feel loved, mostly from those we love. And that’s great.
But that has sadly become a surviving factor for too many of us. And that’s far from great.
Now, all over, movies, books, music, speaks of how beautiful love is and how over the moon you’d be floating and how it should look and feel like when people love you.
And so, the average person that cannot seem to find someone falls into a state of self-pity and insecurity.
“Am I too ugly? Too dark-skinned? Too boring? Big head?(like mine).
And so this person gets desperate for some sort of comfort.
Gets lost in some Mills and Boon or another cute book and tortures him or herself with all he or she does not and would never have.
Life is beautiful. Life is colorful. And life is meant to be seen and lived. With or without someone else.
It’s no fantasy world. There is no Prince Charming. No Cinderella.
And when you feel you’ve found something closely related, he or she would never know how to love you like he or she would love him or herself.
No bestie would ever treat you as they would treat themselves.
It’s life. And it’s the reality.
So spoil you. And love you. With or without someone else.
Like someone said, it’s no more “Be with someone that makes you happy.” Rather, “Be someone that makes you happy”.
6. Depressing Music
Cold night. Home alone. Nobody’s online on WhatsApp. Cold bed.
Thunder rumbles. It starts to pour hard.
What song are you hitting “Play”?
We know them, don’t we? The ones that make us miss the people we haven’t even met yet
Addicting and comforting — but stop.
But these artistes recorded this songs for situations like this, did they not?
They did. But you know what?
They recorded it. You’re in it.
One is more real and more dangerous to be toyed with just anyhow.
The time you need to listen to some I-feel-alone track is when you should most definitely put in something fun and lighthearted.
Your heart and your ears crave something to mess those feelings up some more, but it’s harder to find your way out that way.
7. Talking Talks That Have Nothing To Do With You
This is fun, eh?
Now, not necessarily gossip, mind you.
More like idle talk.
You know why this is terrible for you?
This is when you think you’d think you need to grow a judgemental spirit unconsciously, because you feel pretty much judged.
How short that dress was, (even though you also loved the color) and how crazy he is (leaving out the part that you admire his guts too).
And the funny part? It actually makes you think you now feel better.
But it doesn’t.
Idle talk doesn’t make you a better person.
Fire because you feel fire only burns you again. Hard.
8. Giving Compliments Or Criticism Much Thoughts
You might wonder — shouldn’t you be snatching and feeding hungrily on every single compliment thrown your way, most especially now?
No, you shouldn’t.
Your self-worth does not increase or depreciate when a million admirers tell you or a billion family members don’t.
It doesn’t hang midway. It’s no fertilizer. It adds nothing to you. It takes away nothing.
Never let yourself get to the point of needing to hear it before you see it for yourself.
Hear them. Smile at them. Consider them. Leave.
And the times you don’t hear them?
See them. Smile at the beautiful thoughts of them. Consider them. Live.
Sometimes, we don’t understand why we’re all down and feel neglected and alone.
Well sometimes, just sometimes, these are a couple of the reasons we don’t always remember.
Never underestimate them.
Quick P.s – I had a quick conversation with a tight friend before posting this and he said something that I just had to chip in here:
Insecurities would always be after you. They never totally evaporate in all areas of life. Just don’t give up on yourself. Don’t you ever.
And again, Never underestimate them.
Have an awesome week!
Article by Emma. She writes at LemonsLemonade
What do I think? This article is amazing (it wouldn't be here if it wasn't). As a little take home to anyone reading, insecurity rules you out of the conversation. It means you are not there.
What did you think of this article? Please comment and share!