Guest Article | Signs that you are in an Abusive Relationship


Thank you to everyone who read last week's article but what if you completely believed your partner was heaven-sent, thereby obstructing your ability to detect those Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Partner? Or what if you outrightly ignored them, like we always do when we are in love? Our guest author has put together some very pertinent signs to look out for during the course of an abusive relationship. Let me point out that Emotional Abuse does not only happen to women. Stay Glued and please share this with someone!

Signs that you are in an Abusive Relationship

ife in the outback
ife in the outback

If you were not aware of the warning flags, there are other signs that will indicate you are in an abusive relationship.

  • Fear of your partner most of the time.
  • Partner humiliates or yells at you.
  • You avoid certain topics out of fear of aggravating your partner.
  • Partner criticizes you and puts you down.
  • You feel you can’t do anything right for your partner.
  • Partner treats you so badly that you are embarrassed for your friends or family to witness.
  • You begin to believe you deserve to be hurt or mistreated.
  • Partner puts down your opinions or accomplishments.
  • You start wondering if you are the one with all the problems.
  • Partner blames you for their own abusive behavior.
  • You feel emotionally numb or helpless.
  • Partner sees you as a property or a sex object, rather than a human.
  • Partner has a bad and unpredictable temper.
  • Partner acts excessively jealous and possessive.
  • Partner controls where you go or what you do.
  • Partner limits your access to money, the phone, or the car.
  • Partner destroys your belongings.
  • Partner displays manipulation.
  • Partner keeps you from seeing your friends or family.
  • Partner hurts you, or threatens to hurt or kill you?
  • Partner threatens to commit suicide if you try to leave.

Self-Evaluation Exercise: The Intimacy Test

Be true to yourself when taking this exercise. Answer Yes or No to the following reflective questions.

  1. Can you disclose anything about yourself, including your deepest thoughts and feelings, without fear of rejection or misunderstanding?
  2. Is the message of your relationship, "grow, expand, create, disclose, reveal?" Or is it, "hide, conceal, think only in certain ways, behave only in certain ways, feel only certain things?”
  3. Does this relationship offer both parties optimal growth?
  4. Can you both develop into the greatest persons you can be?
  5. Does your partner fully accept that you have thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from his or hers?
  6. Does he or she respect those differences?
  7. Does he or she cherish you despite them?
  8. Does he or she accept your differences without trying to change you?
  9. Do you want to accept that your partner has thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from yours?
  10. Can you respect those differences?
  11. Can you cherish your partner despite them?
  12. Can you accept them without trying to change them?

Guest Article by: Justina Ikwu

Of course, nothing goes without a cure, or at least, our guest author was kind enough to research on and provide tips to gradually overcome emotional abuse, irrespective of the duration or the manner it occurred. See you next Wednesday for the concluding piece on Post-Abusive Relationship - A Road to Discovery