I am beginning to think that my middle name is “Worry” or maybe I should have been called "Worriette". As my Christmas break is coming to an end, reflecting on how much time I spent worrying rather than doing has enveloped me. With pangs of regret, I know exactly what I could have been doing in those times I spent worrying. Those times can never be replaced and in the months to come, I have to compensate for my wasted time by forcing my remaining tasks into my busy class schedule. All of this is making me rethink my life and some of my decisions. I’m sure you’re thinking “noo you’ve worked pretty hard” or “come on, Memkoh, you’re being too hard on yourself”, but the truth is that I have to be this hard on myself. No one else will. On Thursday, I was thinking of how I could do things better for this blog and my new styling empire, StyledbyMemkoh™. I was worried that I hadn’t gotten any appointments from couples to style their pre-wedding photo sessions and wondered why my personal shopping service wasn’t moving. I was worried that things were not selling fast on my store, The African Fascinator and thought of how I could re-stock it more often, or even better, hire more artisans for faster and increased output. I was wondering what I could change and what has to go completely. And of course, I worried about school, the worry that never ends. For my blog, I thought of other bloggers I had seen who didn’t connect with their audience as much as I did. I wondered if this was the problem, if responding to comments made it seem like I had too much time on my hands and if the practice of snubbing comments would elevate my work somehow. You know it seems like when someone is hard to reach, they are more valuable. So I thought of doing that. I knew I also had to blog more because my blog outputs have declined considerably. If you wondered why, it is because I have hated all the themes I switched to. At least once a month for the past 5 months, I have changed my blog layout. Unsatisfied with their looks, I reverted to an earlier layout some of you might recognize. As it turns out, it does not feel the same. Going back to this theme - no matter how awesome it was to me back then - basically signals stagnation. Needless to say, my search continues.
It sounds like I’m seriously complaining, right? Now can you imagine how my thoughts have been raging in the past few months? To make it worse, I didn’t spend any of the major holidays last year: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, with my family so that definitely made me sad. Of course, it was extremely relaxing spending those holidays in bed and who knows what the coming years will bring? I might have so much running around to do that I will look back at 2014 as the Golden Year. This perspective totally put my mind at ease.
Now, back to my blogerries (blog worries), I blame no one but myself, for looking around and suddenly comparing my blog to other blogs (in terms of image clarity of style posts). I never used to look around. When I started blogging, I did absolutely no field market research, no study of current blogs, no comparisons. In fact, I visit blogs now more often than I ever did. The moment I started noticing crisp and clear pictures shot in nice places - blame Instagram, I lost all confidence in my blog pictures. Even my articles section suffered too; I wrote articles but never published them.
In the middle of all my worrying, in the middle of my decision to change the way I connect with people who value my work, God spoke to me and I now believe that has shut up all my worries. It was quick and very unexpected. He said “How do you think you got to where you are and why are you in a rush to where you are going?”
He said “How do you think you got to where you are and why are you in a rush to where you are going?”
That last bit “Why are you in a rush to where you are going?” stung so badly because I was recently discussing with my friends how today’s millennials want everything to happen at lightning speed, including their successes, so it hurt to know that I was slowly getting to this point. When I spoke with MyStyleOasis this Tuesday, we both discussed our blog photographer headache then realized that the renowned bloggers we know had pretty "struggle" beginnings. On getting off the phone with her, it occurred to me that we didn't have to look that far. We had both come a pretty long way which goes back to "How do you think you got to where you are..." These admonitions left me feeling guilty but overall, I felt relieved and in awe of God, His listening ears, His calming voice and His soothing words.
I know I am not the only one who worries this much. I know you worry too, about things you have done and what you are yet to do, about plans that you have probably shared with your friends and/or family and those you cannot even share like I just did. I shared this because I believe that God didn’t just give me those words to keep to myself. I pray that we can all apply this to our lives.
Expect a change because I have decided to stop looking around and stop comparing my blog, even in the slightest way to others. All I am striving for is to be better than my last self.
Stop looking around, stop comparing yourself to others (I can't even believe I did this). Just stop worrying.
Have a blessed weekend.
A Former Woriette