My dear fellow women,
We owe everything to ourselves.
Recently, I wrote an article on Nicki Minaj and the controversy on decency and feminine dressing that her Anaconda album art sparked. The next morning, I woke up to a slut-shaming comment from one woman to another woman on Instagram. Mind you, Woman A consistently posts bikini pictures of herself in suggestive poses but had the nerve to shut down Woman B who has more flesh (just like Nicki). I wondered if it was the suggestive pose or just the lack of a beach towel.
I thought to myself, “Society is so twisted” and almost immediately, I realized that society is nothing but men; the men who wrote the rules; the men who are still writing the rules (with a handful of women to look good for statistics). Basically, everything we have been handed down is the by-product of a male-dominated and heavily male influenced system. They said we should close our legs, conveniently excluding themselves from that rule. They said we should not bare it all because when we do, it makes a man uncomfortable. Not that he is wrong anyways, because women are obviously to blame for a man’s lack of self-control, but we are blamed nonetheless. They made up the words promiscuity, sluts, thot, all referring to women but there is none for themselves since it is perfectly okay and shoulder-broadening for a man to sleep around. And oh, when a man is naked in magazines, they have made us believe that it shows how hard he works, only in the gym of course. But a woman’s exposure of her bikini body, the only thing she can expose (because her chest contains her breast which contains her nipples and those are not attractive) is not okay. They have also turned us against ourselves, making us refer to each other with these demeaning words. Being prude, modest, decent, and other words that signify one being covered up, are mostly applied to women, not men.
I wonder why.
I remember back in Nigeria when HIV/AIDS awareness was on the rise. There was this popular billboard that read: “Zip Up, Sex is worth waiting for”. I’m not sure if those billboards existed long enough, past the ensuing awareness of condoms. Speaking of condoms, who were the first condoms made for? (Men) And once they found a cure to their would-be burden, the conversation changed from “Zip Up…” to “Use Protection”. Obviously, those words on the billboard were not inked for you, woman. They were never for you. Years later, they had compassion to do a bit more research and come up with condoms for you but if you walk up to any small corner store or kiosk as we call it in Nigeria, I bet you will find more male condoms than female condoms. Scratch that. You will only find male condoms.
So my dear women, I have come up with a solution.
I am asking every single one of us to move from sitting around and complaining to actually working for the things we want. If you are focused and determined, with a clear vision in mind, determination and obviously, God on your side, no one will be able to hinder your success, not even a male dominated and male ruled society. If there’s something you are not happy with, make an effort to address it and change it for your sake and for your sanity’s sake.
Our society will only cater for itself and from my argument above, you have seen that having a society predominantly ruled by men means that they only take into consideration things that benefit them. For example, if men were the ones to bear children, "paternity leaves" would begin in the 2nd trimester. Still dear woman, ignore this and wake up! This is a reassurance.
If you want to succeed, you must cheat this flawed system by talking less, arguing less (with people that don’t matter) and doing more. Your abilities are limitless and more than enough to help you transcend borders.
Lots of love, ©Memkoh